Afterlife
by Purple Mouse
Summary: So...what happens to Nuriko after he dies? (Answer: He goes psycho!!!! Wah hah hah hah hahhhhhh!!!!!!!....)Spoilers for Episode 33, but not an Episode 33 fic. ^_^ **Gasp!** What's this??? Chapter SIX?? Dude!! O.O
1. Default Chapter

Insert Title Here ****

Disclaimers: I own a purple mouse named Nuriko. But I do not own Nuriko. I do not own him here or there. I do not own him anywhere. Not in a box. Not with a fox. Et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. ^_^ 

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Warnings: Spoilers, I guess, for Episode 33, but it's not an Episode 33 fic. Derogatory comments made about Tomite's head. Cheese-o-meter up to, oh, maybe seven or so. ~.^;;

Hopefully sequels will follow (uhhh…why'd I put that under "Warnings?"…).

AFTERLIFE

Chapter One: 

Through the Looking Glass

At first, there was only me.

It was dark, and I must admit, I was a bit frightened. I don't like being alone, which may seem strange to some, given that I've been somewhat isolated for most of my life. But the past few months had changed that. I'd had friends; we'd stayed at each other's sides by night, and walked side by side by day. I'd had a _family_. And now I had darkness. Only darkness.

I curled up in a ball in the darkness, wondering if this was the end of my story, if I'd just sit here alone with my thoughts until the world blew up or the sky fell or something. If my body had been living, my heart would have been pounding in my chest; I didn't even have _that _familiarity to comfort me. And where was Kourin?! I'd _seen _her…I _knew _I'd seen her, smiling at me, waiting for me…I'd closed my eyes for the last time with the certainty that she'd be there. But there was nothing. 

The first traces of panic were slowly seeping into my chest. "Don't think so much, Nuriko," I whispered to myself, a desperate tactic to prove that I still existed…to an extent. "Don't think so much…"

"Your battle was bravely fought, Nuriko," came a sudden, shriveled voice.

I blinked, then sat up; all at once, a faint light shone upon me.

And then _she_ was there, hovering in front of me, surrounded by those annoying cloth things that never moved with any amount of wind.

"T-Taiitsu-kun?" I squinted at her.

"Who else would it be?"

"Where's Kourin?" I demanded, my voice shaking. "I'm waiting for Kourin. Where's my sister?"

"She is well," said the old witch, "and she is patient. A perfect gem of a child. Unlike some _other _members of her family, it would seem."

"Well, excuse _me_!" My voice was slightly stronger, encouraged by frustrated indignation. "I just got impaled by a _werewolf_, all right? _Forgive_ me for not being in the best of spirits!"

The woman actually _laughed_. "_There_ you are again, Nuriko! We can't have you moping about like a lost little boy, now, can we? Nothing's changed!"

"You mean, apart from the fact that I'm dead?" I asked wryly.

She clicked her tongue. "Oh, come. It was a sacrifice that had to be made. I know you understand that."

I looked down, fidgeting with my hands, and admitted softly, "Yes."

"You will see your sister again," Taiitsu-kun promised, "but not yet. Not yet. Even in death, you are still a shichiseishi, and I still have use for you."

"Use? But how can…"

"Ask me no questions, child. You will know, when the time comes." She raised her head, and the blackness in front of me lifted to reveal a huge, silver mirror. "Look."

Reflected in the glass was a cavern of ice, my companions…Miaka. And two strange men—one with a patch over his right eye, one with what seemed to me to be a ridiculously small head—were standing by while Miaka was…Miaka was…

"What are they _doing_?!" I cried in anger, slamming my palms against the mirror. "They're freezing her! They're killing her! Who _are _those guys?!"

"Hikitsu and Tomite," Taiitsu-kun replied.

"Tomato?!"

"_Tomite_!" She swatted my head. "Genbu no seishi. Spirits, like yourself. They protect the Shinzaho in Hokkan."

"Well, can't they see she's Suzaku no Miko?! Can't they see she's the one they've been _guarding _the stupid thing for?!"

"They are testing her."

"She'll _die_!!" I clenched my fists; my faded yanagisymbol began to glow as brightly as ever, and I reached out to my miko with my heart, with my soul. _Miaka_, I thought desperately, _you have to win, no matter what_!! 

There was a burning in my wrists, which made me gasp, having been unaware that ghosts could feel physical pain. The world around me became a misty red as I squeezed my eyes shut and let out a wordless yell, thrusting my hands at the reflection; I felt the strength rushing like wind out of my body, and heard the distant shatter of glass… of _ice_. Panting, I fell to my knees, clutching my hands to my chest, my forehead resting against the smooth, cool surface of the mirror.

With the last bit of energy I possessed, I forced myself to look once more at the scene before me. There, on the floor of the cavern, sat Miaka, coughing and shivering… but alive. Still alive. She'd won…_we'd won_. 

"Well done, Nuriko," came Taiitsu-kun's scratchy, oddly gentle voice, like a faraway echo in my ears, as I smiled in exhausted relief and let myself collapse into sleep upon the shadowed floor.

TBC…. 

**melodramatic sob** oohhhhhhhhh, the drama!! The _drama_!!! ^_^


	2. (Very) Brief Interlude

Disclaimer: Nuriko is the property of Someone Else besides me ****

Disclaimer: Nuriko is the property of Someone Else Besides Me. ~.^;;

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Warnings: This is pretty short. Scratch that: this is _very, very, very _short. Shortness was not intended. Forgive author if shortness has caused any inconveniences, or has led respected readers to exclaim, "Why the heck did she even post this?? It's too darn short!" 

No spoilers if you've already read the first one. ^_^ As for the Cheese-o-meter…. umm…8? I dunno if this counts as angst…I put it just in case. I'm a bad classifyer. **hangs head in shame**

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AFTERLIFE

Chapter Two:

(Very) Brief Interlude

At first, when I awoke, I didn't remember that I had died. But it bit into me like a thorn after a moment, a living thorn that kept pushing itself deeper and deeper.

Alone again.

I rubbed my eye and raised my head with a sigh, drew myself slowly to my knees. It was still dark, but I could see my hand in front of my face; strangely enough, after looking around, I could find no source for the light. It was almost as if I myself were a sort of lantern, lit up somehow from the inside.

How long had I slept?

Standing up, I tried unsuccessfully to straighten my clothing. Oddly enough, there was a slight, soft bulge in my sash. I poked at it with a puzzled frown, not remembering having put anything there…curious, I reached in and pulled it out. 

Hmm. A purse.

Still at a loss as to the contents of the thing, I untied it and stuck my hand in, only to pull it back out clutching a fistful of soft, purple hair. I stared at it in silence, frozen—_"Nuriko, your hair!" "What'd you go do a thing like that for?" "Are you all right?…Are you sure?"_—my hand began to shake, and when I blinked, I was startled to feel dampness under my eyes. _How_…

Without warning, the ground beneath me rumbled and shook, and my thoughts were torn away from me in a flash of pain in my chest. Letting out a small grunt of pain and surprise, I staggered…my hand moved reflexively to my heart, and the tress I'd hacked off unraveled and fell loosely into the blackness. "_Nggh!_" I uttered through clenched teeth, eyes widened in horror at the nothingness before me. _What in the world is happening?? Why does my…What's…_

…And then it stopped, as suddenly as it had begun. And I had the strange, terrible feeling that…I wasn't alone anymore.

TBC…..

__

Well, this was originally gonna be a bit longer…but it seemed like a nice place to end. 

In other random news: Look! It's Tamahome!! à $,$ 

**passes out on the floor because she is SOOOOOO incredibly funny…** ~.~() 

^_^


	3. Just a Little Longer...

AFTERLIFE ****

Disclaimer: Sometimes I pretend I own Fushigi Yuugi and its characters. If I actually did, I wouldn't be so delusional.

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Warnings: Rrrright…this chapter makes my head hurt. ~.~() I tried to address Nuriko's, ah…shall we say, "neuroses" (?) more closely than I think I have before, and I don't know if I've done it very well. I hope it's better than I think it is. Any comments/criticisms/suggestions for improvement are welcome. ^_^

Oh, yeah. Cheese-o-meter: through the roof. O.o

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AFTERLIFE

Chapter Three:

Just a Little Longer

(no pun intended)

At first, it hurt to be alone. But I soon found that it hurt even more _not _to be.

Still shaky from the sudden, vanished pain that had overtaken me just moments before, I looked around wildly, _knowing _that someone was there with me… and it didn't take me long to find him. For he was shining, just like me, the two of us the only visible objects in that infinite world of blackness.

My breath caught in my throat and I swallowed an anguished cry, then rushed to where he lay, as if asleep; I crossed the vast space between us in what seemed to be only a few bounding steps, my slippered feet padding soundlessly on the somehow solid—but otherwise indistinguishable—ground beneath me. Falling to my knees beside him, I mentally berated myself for the stupid tears beginning to flow down my cheeks—_honestly, you've cried more in the past fifteen minutes than you have in the last five years of your life_!!—and reached out my hand to touch his face. 

But I couldn't. I stopped my hand, pulled it back almost violently. I couldn't wake him. Why disturb him, after all? Why force upon him this accursed _awareness_ of _death_?! My hand went to my mouth as I shut my eyes tightly, forcing myself to keep in control. _Stop it. Stop it. You're an idiot. You're a man now, remember?…_

There was a slight rustle of cloth, and a gentle sigh…I didn't look. I couldn't. 

__

Please…don't wake up…

Then… "Nuriko-sama?" A soft, small voice. "What's the matter?"

_Smile, _I ordered myself. _ SMILE. _

I opened my eyes and put on a cheerful, welcoming, fabricated grin. "Ch-Chiriko! _Well_, you're quite a sleeper, aren't you?!"

He regarded me with wide, intelligent eyes.

"Um, this is…uh…" _Stop shaking, you pathetic excuse for a voice. _"This is…where we are! Taiitsu-kun's around here somewhere, she came to see me once; how do you feel? Are you hungry? Do you want me to see if I can find, uh, something for you to eat? What would you like?" I rambled desperately, bordering on hysteria. For crying out loud, I didn't even know if we _could _eat anymore, now that we were…now that… 

"I'm dead," Chiriko stated calmly, and I broke.

Gods, I couldn't help it. He was just a child! A _child_!! What genius decided to make _him_ one of the shichiseishi?! What cruel, twisted, heartless weaver of lives made him have to suffer, to bear this impossible weight? Who killed him? _Who_?! _I'd rather be alone again, if this is the alternative…I'd rather be alone!_

Small arms wrapped around me, squeezed my shoulders with their tiny strength. "It's all right, you know, Nuriko-sama," said Chiriko. "Don't cry. I don't mind being dead; I don't, honestly!"

His childish embrace, his comforting words…they sent a sharp stab of shame into my heart, made me realize with bitter self-reproach just how incredibly _selfish_ I was being. _I_ wasthe strong one! I _had _to be! And there I was, sobbing like a _girl_—a very _little_, _cry-baby _of a girl—in the arms of a thirteen-year-old child when, by all rights and all amount of logic, _I _should be the one reassuring _him_!

With these harsh truths to anchor me down, I managed to force my emotions back inside me, buried them deep. They were useless emotions, of which no good would ever come; I'd believed I had learned that lesson long ago, but once again, I had proved myself wrong. Pushing myself away from him, I wiped away my tears with a furious hand and donned my mask of composure.

Chichiri had thousands of masks, but they were all the same. Mine were different. I just had two. One was laughter, which I think might have been the closest to the Real Me, if the Real Me hadn't died when I was ten. I always used to laugh when I was little; my aniki told me so. Unlike my parents, he hadn't ostracized me when I'd become Kourin, but had frantically attempted to bring me back during those first, awful months of mourning. "Why don't you laugh anymore?" he'd say. "You never laugh anymore…I wish you could be happy again…" 

…And I'd say, "I can't be happy, aniki, now that Ryuen's dead." 

I don't mean to say that, in the years after the accident, I was never happy. It's just that, frequently, I was happy when I shouldn't have been, when my heart—Ryuen's heart—called out to me, crying that something wasn't right. In those instances I would laugh to drown out the sound of the urgent voice, would go out of my way to find someone to make me laugh, to take my mind off of the battle inside me.

The other mask was composure, my greatest lie to the world, insisting that I was perfectly fine, that nothing inside me was rotting or twisting or buried. For no one who had nightmares almost every night, no one whose mind seemed to be made of two warring sides, could appear to be so calm; could they?  
  
I had started to ignore my two well-worn disguises lately: I told Tamahome and Miaka about Kourin; I even told Tamahome that I was in love with Miaka. And for the first time in years, when we stood at the entrance of Tamahome's tiny home, staring at the corpses of his slaughtered family…for the first time, the masks hadn't come. When Tama had gone after Suboshi, I had fallen apart, sobbed against him as I held him back…my actions had been strong, my words had been strong…my heart—without a shield—had been weak. 

It had torn me up inside. But it had made me human.

I couldn't be human now, though; I couldn't let myself give in. I know there's a difference between being human and being weak, but I couldn't stop to consider it. So I regressed into my life before becoming a seishi, and composed myself, despite the fact that all I wanted to do was curl up and weep.

"What happened?" I asked. "Was it those two Genbu seishi?" Had I saved Miaka only to let them have Chiriko? For the love of the Four Gods, why had I let myself pass out so soon?

Chiriko blinked. "Oh, no, Nuriko-sama. It was _long _after that"

__

Long after that. I stared at him. "Well, h-how long? How long has it been since then?"

"It must be almost a month now since you and Ashitare…" he trailed off, regarding me curiously. "Hasn't it been that long here?"

I shook my head. "No. Um, I must have been sleeping…I suppose." _Suzaku…what had happened in all that time_?!

"It was Miboshi," said Chiriko, answering my initial question. "Another of the Seiryuu no shichiseishi."

That was the last he said about it, and I respected that. He'd said he didn't mind being dead, but that didn't mean he necessarily wanted to talk about it. _I _certainly didn't want to speak of _my _death. He wanted to know about what had happened _after _I'd died, though; I told him how I'd helped Miaka break free of the ice, but other than that, I was as clueless as he was about the strange plane where Taiitsu-kun had us stored away for a rainy day. As we began to talk of other things—what had happened since they'd found the Shinzaho, Miaka discovering that Amiboshi was still alive, the Seiryuu seishi all killing each other—I started to relax. If I didn't _think _about Chiriko being dead, it didn't seem real. We were just…two companions, sharing stories in a darkened room. 

I think I knew from the start that the illusion couldn't last, that I'd have to face reality sooner or later. I just hoped feebly, selfishly, that it could last just a little longer…

TBC…

~.^;; 

Yikes. 

Notes: I dunno how long it really was between Nuriko's and Chiriko's deaths. It seemed to me like it _could _be a month or so…so that's what I put down. Anyone know for sure? 


	4. Prisoner of My Own Mind

AFTERLIFE ****

Disclaimer: Yeah, for all the other chapters, I've been lying. I actually _do _own Fushigi Yuugi. Oh wait, no…that's only when I'm off my medication. Never mind.

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Spoiler Warnings: Spoilers for Episodes 47 and 48. I realized just now that I didn't put in the spoiler warning for when Chiriko died, and I'm sorry! Hope no one was too upset. 

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Other Warnings: Taiitsu-kun bashing (perhaps excessive)—nothing personal, Taii-chan, mkay? ^_^ 

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Cheese-o-meter: 9 or so (have just realized obvious pun of being Purple Mouse and including Cheese-o-meter. At first, wondered why it took me so long. Then remembered I'm a spazz. ~.^;;)

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AFTERLIFE

Chapter Four:

Prisoner of 

My Own Mind

At first, I pretended I _wasn't _dead. And for a while, it actually worked. I'd pretended to be a woman for eight years, after all; compared to that, this was easy.

Maybe Chiriko sensed something was wrong. He never said anything, though. He was too smart to want to get tied up in my mind. 

I didn't let myself fall asleep after that first time, afraid I'd lose another month…and Chiriko stayed up with me. We both grew tired—strange, again, that ghosts can be tired, though I'd stopped thinking of myself as a ghost by then—but forced ourselves to keep awake. 

Maybe Chiriko knew that I would have gone crazy if I was left alone with myself once more. He was right not to say anything. I wouldn't have listened, anyway.

Only a day or two after the child had appeared, Taiitsu-kun graced us with her presence. I felt it was my duty to inquire as to _why _two of the Suzaku Shichiseishi had been stuffed in a pitch-black, cell-like room, and _strongly recommended _that we be relocated to someplace more suitable. 

"There are more important things to consider than your comfort," she replied stuffily, seeming slightly offended. "At the moment, this '_cell-like_' plane is the only place you can exist, in my protection."

I put my hands on my hips. "What are you _talking _about? You…"

"What important things?" Chiriko interrupted, slipping his hand into mine. I looked down at him, saw him give the Flying Troll a meaningful look; meaning _what_, I couldn't say, and it bothered me. "What's happening to Suzaku no Miko and everyone else?"

"Yui has summoned Seiryuu."

My eyes bugged out. "_What_?! _How_?? _Miaka _got the Shinzaho!"

"Nuriko-sama, I told you," Chiriko reminded me, "Nakago stole it."

"_How _she did it does not matter," Taiitsu-kun insisted, her voice slightly louder. "She has used one of her wishes to seal Suzaku away. A second wish has sent Miaka and Tamahome back to Miaka's own world. Your friends are powerless, battling the Kutou army in Konan."

"You have to let us go help them!" I shouted, ignoring the tightening of the boy's grip on my hand. "We have to help them; if what you say is true, there's no way they can win! Kutou's _much _bigger than Konan, and if we don't have our seishi powers…"

"You will remain _here_," instructed the witch.

I set my jaw helplessly, frustration making my entire body tense and tremble. My hands curled into fists.

"_Ow_, Nuriko-sama!"

"You…_can't_…_keep us here_," I said dangerously, glaring. "If our friends are in trouble…"

That was the second time the ground shook, the second time I doubled over in pain…Chiriko felt it too this time, scrunching his eyes shut with a gasp. _Not again_, a tiny, subdued voice whispered inside my head. _No, not again…_I shook my head sharply, frowning at the sound. _Not what again? Not so bad…gotta be just some weird thing that happens in the mountains…it'll stop in a second, and then…and then…_

Someone's here.

  
I looked up at Taiitsu-kun when the room was still once more, and she reached out a brown, claw-like hand, pointing to something behind us. With a small exclamation, Chiriko left my side and darted in the direction she indicated; unable to read anything in her eyes, I turned slowly. 

__

Why are you scared? 

This time, the body lying there was larger…much larger. 

__

Twinge in my chest…stop it. Why are you twinging? No reason to twinge. Idiot. She's just pulled him up here, too, for some reason…in the middle of a battle, though? He's a healer! I hope she knows what she's doing…crazy old…

"Go," she told me. "Go to his side; he'll need to see you."

Somehow, impossibly, I'd lost the will to argue.

Mitsukake was already stirring when I reached him, sitting up with the most pained expression on his face…I don't think I'd ever seen him look quite this helpless before. But I suppose I would have felt that way, too, if I'd been dragged out of an important battle by some mirror-obsessed bat. 

"Chiriko…Nuriko?" he said thickly.

"That's us!" I said, grinning madly. "Are you all right? What's happening down there?"

He looked around, presumably discovered there was nothing there to look at—save Taiitsu-kun, who did _not _make for a pleasing decoration—and turned back to us. He had begun to compose himself, but his eyes glistened as he said, "I…I'm sorry…I couldn't save you…Chiriko…Nuriko, if I'd have gotten there just a few minutes sooner…"

I frowned, puzzled. _He's just confused_. "Eh…don't worry about it, you couldn't have stopped it. She does what she wants. She has to keep reminding us that _she's_ the one in charge, you know," I said bitterly, loud enough so the woman could hear me. "I just hope she knows what she's doing, plucking seishi from the ground and stuffing them up here like they were pretty rocks, or something. Maybe _you _could try to talk to her! Maybe she'd listen to you. I've tried, but…_I think she might be slightly homophobic_," I confided in a whisper, my expression serious and rather vexed.

Mitsukake looked into my eyes, considerably calmer. "Nuriko," he said after a moment, his tone gentle, "are _you _all right?"

"Oh, sure, sure," I waved it off, smiling so he wouldn't worry. "It's not like it hasn't happened before. And she's not tossing out insults, or anything, she just doesn't take me seriously."

As Chiriko's hand came to rest on Mitsukake's shoulder, I barely managed to suppress the wave of panic that had welled up inside me…_Do they think something's wrong with me?! That's…that's absurd! They're obviously overwhelmed by this whole situation…C'mon, Nuriko, it's up to you to be in control._

"What's going on down there?" I asked again. "Is everyone all right?"

He remained staring at me for a while longer before nodding slowly. "I managed to heal all the wounded. When I…left…all of the shichiseishi were fine. We don't know about Miaka, who was wished into her own world along with Seiryuu no Miko…and we think she took Tamahome along with her, somehow…Nuriko," he tried again, "do you remember all that's happened since…we were separated?"

"Chiriko's filled me in," I nodded. "Well, at least up to the part where he was taken, too. _Hey_, you know what would help?! Taiitsu-kun's got all these giant mirrors lying around, we could at least get her to show us what's going on! Why didn't we think of that before, Chiriko?" I stood up and turned to the hovering woman. "Hey, Taiitsu-k…" 

And then, for the _third _time…_pain…rumbling…_I staggered, steadying myself with the convenient body of the healer. _So soon?…Shouldn't be so soon…_

…For some reason, this pain lasted longer than the others…my ears began ringing and I actually _screamed_, falling to my hands and knees…and when it finally stopped, I was panting and sobbing and shaking like a leaf, trying desperately to compose myself… No sound from the others. Were they all right?

When I had sufficiently stopped shaking, I brushed the ragged hairs from my face, ran a hand across my eyes, and raised my head to see them. Mitsukake and Chiriko were kneeling rigidly, eyes wide and staring. I sighed. _Who is it this time? If she keeps doing this, there'll be no one left to fight…_

And when I turned to face the newcomer, everything inside me suddenly turned cold.

__

No. No. No, no, no, no…not you…

…Hotohori-sama…

TBC…

Hmm…not much time between Mits and Hotohori arriving, huh?…sorry if it reads too short, but they _did _die only an episode apart… anyhoo, thanks for reading! ^_^


	5. Triumph of Souls

AFTERLIFE ****

Disclaimer: Hey, Nuriko! Do I own you??? …………..Hmm, no answer. Which means Nuriko's not around. **shrugs** I guess I don't own him, then.

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Warnings: Blech…okay. Cheesy. Dramatic. Overuse of "….". Hmm. It sounded better in my head. I posted it because, well…my friends say I'm overly critical of my stuff, and sometimes I post stuff that I personally think is a little lacking, and people wind up liking it. So maybe it's not as bad as I think it is. I hope it's not. Anyhoo, thanks for reading. ^_^

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Note: Hmm… "Shounen Ai, or Not Shounen Ai: THAT is the Question." ^_^ My _personal _opinion is….I could go either way. (That's really helpful, huh?) But seriously. I haven't written any shounen ai yet, but I have nothing against it. I think Nuri-chan and Hotohori would be very kawaii together. ^_^ On the other hand, in my desperate attempt to get into Nuriko's head, I can't help but think that his love for Hotohori was a purely psychological thing…um…I hate to plug my own stuff, but I guess I explain this particular point of view better in 'Safe.' I purposely left this chapter open-ended, so you can make up your own mind. ^_^ Is Nuri so shaken by Hotohori's death because he really _is _in love with him?? Or is it just because Hotohori's his oldest friend?? **Obi-Wan Kenobi: **_THE ANSWER LIES IN YOOOOOUUU!!! _

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(Minor disclaimer: I really have no idea whatsoever if Obi-Wan Kenobi ever actually uttered these words. It sounds like something he _might _have said, though, if given half a chance. ^_^ )

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AFTERLIFE

Chapter Five:

Triumph of Souls

__

Close your eyes close your eyes close your eyes if you don't look it isn't real it isn't real he isn't here he can't be here…

At first….at first….

…I couldn't close my eyes…I couldn't………

At first…there was only me…in the darkness, surrounded by the darkness…and him, lying there, his shining hair undone and spilling onto the ground…

__

Why are you so upset?!! I screamed at myself. _She took him just like she took you and Mitsukake and Chiriko! He's fine; you're all fine…_

But I couldn't move. My still heart was calling out to me again, crying that something wasn't right…that we _hadn't _just been _brought_ here, that something… something had to have happened…and it was all I could do to deafen my ears to the cries, all I could do to keep it from destroying me, from cutting the fine string that held me to sanity. Even when my narrow view was shattered by Mitsukake and Chiriko moving to help Hotohori-sama, I could do nothing but stand rigidly, staring, staring…

"Wake up! Wake up, boy!"

__

Taiitsu-kun…

"Nuriko!"

__

No…

Something poked into my back, shoving me forward. "Go to him. You're all together now. You must show him you're here."

Propelled by the force of the push, I stumbled forward, dazed; I felt like my head was floating, somehow…and I was suddenly tired…so tired…

Hotohori-sama was awake now, I saw…talking to the others. He smiled, a sad, reserved smile; I continued toward him, but…when he stood up slowly, aided by Mitsukake, I stopped short.

__

I can't…

He raised his golden eyes—his beautiful, gentle, golden eyes—and saw me.

__

Close your eyes close your eyes

With a small tightening of his mouth, which seemed to me to be almost a gesture of regret, he began moving toward me, slowly…my whole body started trembling, and I gasped, jerked, and took a shaky step backward…

The fine eyebrows drew together in a confused frown, and he halted. "Nuriko."

I forced myself to shake my head, to clear my mind…forced myself to smile. It came out as more of a grimace. "H-hoto…" …The rest would simply not come, but for a breathless puff of air.

He was calm. I should have been able to be as calm…but…I…

"I've missed you," he said. "It's been so long since you…"

My chest started heaving, and I started laughing…hysterical, mirthless, insane laughter, laughter that made Hotohori-sama go nearly white in only seconds.

"N-nuriko….?"

"You're not dead," I wheezed. "You're not…you're not dead. You can't be dead. You're not. You're _not_." _If he doesn't say anything, then it's all right…if he doesn't say anything, it CAN'T be true…_

His eyes saddened, and he gave me a small smile, though his face was still ashen. "I'm sorry, Nuriko. It was rash of me, but Nakago…I thought I could stop him, but…"

"_NO!!!_" I screamed. "_You're not dead!! We're not dead!_" I looked around at Mitsukake and Chiriko, trying to get them to tell him I was right, that he wasn't thinking clearly.But Mitsukake had his head down and his eyes closed, and Chiriko looked like he was about to cry. Turning back to Hotohori-sama, I found him solemn, resolute, his jaw clenched; my own eyes had filled to the brim, and chose that moment to spill over.

…_can't let him see me cry…_

With a sob, I forced my quaking hands to my face, covering my tears, hiding me from him and him from me. Once my eyes were covered, once I couldn't see him there, I could finally shut them…but as soon as I had, my knees gave out, and I fell silently to the ground, curled around myself like I had when there had been no one here but me.

__

Let me be alone, I begged, _let me wake up…let me be dreaming…_

But my heart screamed that it was real, and it had somehow grown stronger than either of my masks.

I didn't hear Hotohori-sama approaching me, but I felt him…his hand on my shoulder. I tried to tell him not to look at me. I'm not sure how much of it came out coherently…but if he'd understood, he ignored me. He drew me up to my knees, took my hands away from my face—my eyes were still firmly shut, my body still shaking with sobs—and said my name. 

"Nuriko."

"I can't stop it from being real," I wept; "I can't stop it from being real…"

Then his warm arms were around me; he held my head to his shoulder, and hugged me tightly against him.

And he said, "You don't have to. It's all right. You don't have to."

__

You don't have to…you don't have to…I don't…have to. The weight around my heart was blown to pieces by those simple, quiet words; my shield was finally gone, and I finally allowed the pain that had been building behind it to surface. 

I still cried. I cried for a long time: for Hotohori-sama, for Mitsukake and Chiriko…for Miaka…for myself…but also in relief. A kind of relief that I'd never really felt before, that couldn't have existed inside me as long as I still had the masks. 

The wonderful, incredible feeling that…I didn't have to hide anymore. 

"Hotohori-sama…I'm sorry…"

"Shh."

__

I won't hide anymore. I won't, not ever again.

TBC…

Blech. ~.^;; Well, I tried.


	6. The Return

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Notes: Hi! Wow, who would've thought I'd pick up this story again?? ~.^;; But…well… I _said _I was gonna continue it, I just never got around to it until now… I might actually finish, too!! There's probably only gonna be one chapter after this one, so…I might actually _finish _something I write!! **collective gasp from everyone in the world** Granted, I haven't written serious-type stuff for a while, so I'm sorry if the mood of this chapter really clashes with that of the previous installments…. ~.~ 

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Random Note(s) of the Day: Has anyone heard the Nuriko character song from the CD books? (I haven't a clue as to the workings of the CD books, so bear with me…) It's called 'Ren Ren Bojou,' or something like that? It's an okay song, but it's not sung by Sakamoto Chika-sama!! It's some other chick. ~.~ How sad. Anyway, I hope everyone who's living here in the USA has a very happy Thanksgiving this week! Eat like Miaka! And everyone who's adopting a Seishi for the holidays, make sure they have clean sheets and towels. (Nuriko likes _purple _towels, Kaze-chan. And give him the silk sheets…no, the _satin _sheets, I think!) (……..Where the heck did the allusion to 'Annie' come from??….Oh yes, that's right: this is the Random Notes section.) Anyhoo, hope this is okay and not too much of an "I liked the way it ended last time, why did she have to go and ruin it by writing more?" ^_^

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AFTERLIFE

Chapter Six:

The Return

At first, I wanted to hang on to Hotohori-sama and never let go. I wanted to grab Chiriko and Mitsukake and bind us all together so that we would never be apart; it was still scary, being dead, even though I had accepted it. What would happen now? Would we have to be reborn, before even knowing if we'd won?

__

No…Taiitsu-kun wouldn't do that. She's an old witch, but she wouldn't have kept you around just to toss you into another body right before the Grand Finale. She must have plans for us…somehow…

Hotohori-sama rubbed my back gently; he really was the kindest person I'd known. "Are you all right? Better?"

"Yes," I managed in a small voice, reluctant to pull away. "I…I, um…"

"It isn't easy," he told me. "It isn't easy at all. But it's real, and we can't change it. It's just…the way it is."

I nodded into his shoulder. My tears had all but stopped.

"It must have been hard for you, being the first," mused Hotohori-sama quietly. "I'm sorry it had to be you."

With a sigh, I smiled, and pulled back slowly, sitting back on my heels. "Who would you have had it be, then?" I asked sadly. "No matter what, _one _of us would have had to be alone. Might as well have been someone who was used to it."

He gave me a sad look, his eyes filled with pain and…regret. 

"Um." I looked at my hands, feeling a quite un-ghostly flush spread across my cheeks. "Thank you, Hotohori-sama….I'm sorry I was such a…"

"Don't," he said, but kindly. "It's not your fault. Come…" Rising to his feet, he pulled me up with him, and we both headed over to where Mitsukake and Chiriko were standing together and talking. Apparently they hadn't wanted to stare during my little breakdown, for which I was grateful, albeit slightly embarrassed. 

__

I hope they won't start treating me like a mental patient now…

But I should have known better than to have worried about _that_. Mitsukake turned as we approached and gave me a fairly large (large for Mitsukake, anyway) and welcoming smile, and Chiriko looked up at me reassuringly, reaching out again to take my hand.

"Taiitsu-kun says that Chichiri and Tasuki, too, have been transported to Miaka's world," Mitsukake's deep voice rumbled. "I have asked her to show us the events taking place, but she did not respond."

__

They aren't even mentioning what happened…they're acting like everything's normal, I thought in relief. _Well. Maybe they're right. Maybe everything IS normal, for the first time in my life…no, wait; I'm not alive anymore. _

"Perhaps she's waiting," Hotohori-sama suggested. 

"Perhaps it's a test," said Chiriko pensively.

__

It's really not so bad being dead, I suppose. I don't really feel so different. If we can all stay together…

"What do you mean? A test?" Hotohori-sama looked the slightest bit frustrated. "Haven't we suffered through enough of her tests already?"

I looked at the giant mirror through which I'd viewed the battle with the Genbu seishi. It was dark. 

"A test of our courage and our loyalty," Chiriko went on. "Perhaps if we were meant to see Suzaku no Miko and the others, we would figure out how by ourselves."

__

Our courage and our loyalty? Haven't we already proven that ten times over? How can she doubt our loyalty, after the sacrifices we've all made for Miaka? But the thought was a dim one, without much vehemence, more like an observation than an actual heated opinion…and I found myself being drawn to the mirror, staring into the glass, seeing my own eyes staring back out at me with melancholy calmness. It didn't take long for the reflections of my three friends to join mine, each one regarding himself curiously.

"Nuriko?" Mitsukake's one word conveyed an entire slew of implied questions.

"Touch it," I whispered, placing my hand on the surface, resting it against its reflection.

The others obeyed me, realization dawning on them, as well…I don't know how I knew it would work, it was just a feeling I had, and maybe they felt it too. The moment all four of our palms were laid upon the mirror, I felt a tingle rush through my body, racing to gather around my heart like adrenaline. 

In the mirror, we melted away…and were replaced with Miaka. Chichiri. Tasuki. And Nakago.

"You cannot help them," Taiitsu-kun's voice rang from over our heads.

We looked up at her as one, our expressions fixed.

"Why not?" I demanded. "We figured out how to turn on your toy. Does that prove enough for you? You can send us there. I _know _you can."

"You will be useless," she chided. "What good is a spirit against a solid enemy?"

"Taiitsu-kun-sama," Chiriko piped up, "There _is _a way for us to go back and still have our bodies."

"I _know _that; I'm the Creator of the Universe, you think I don't know how it works?" she snapped. "But I'm afraid it isn't possible. I cannot risk the souls of the Shichiseishi."

"What's he talking about?" I asked, folding my arms across my chest in a symbol of defiance. "If there's a way, let us take it! They _can't _fight Nakago and Seiryuu by themselves!"

"You have illuminated the mirror of your own accords, so that you might see the story as it plays itself out," she said sternly. "Do not ask for more."

"If we inhabit another body, we could use it as if it were our own," Chiriko explained. 

"I do not understand why you would keep us from such a thing," said Hotohori-sama with a frown.

Taiitsu-kun glared at him. "The problem _is_, that as long as you have a body, you can be struck down and killed," she said firmly. "While the living body itself would simply die and become a spirit, as you have done, your own spirits—having already died—would cease to exist. The Second Death. And naturally, if such a thing were to occur, you could not be reborn, and the souls of the Suzaku no Shichiseishi would be lost forever. Suzaku would never be able to be summoned again."

"So you're willing to let Nakago become a _god_, and destroy both our world _and _Miaka's because of the _small _chance that one of us might die again?" I exclaimed. "No offense, but I think that the total destruction of two entire worlds _slightly _outranks the possibility that Suzaku might be trapped in limbo."

"And it does not frighten you to think that your soul would fade to nothing?" she replied.

I frowned at her. Yes, it frightened me. The idea of that happening frightened me more than anything had frightened me before. Death was one thing, but to cease to exist altogether…

"That does not matter," Hotohori-sama said. "It is our duty as Seishi to protect the Miko, and help her in any way we can…even death does not put an end to that duty."

Setting my jaw firmly, my gaze unwavering, I nodded my support of his statement. _You don't think anything bad can happen, do you? But you didn't think you'd die in the first place…You never thought it would happen…_

This is different, though. This goes beyond me living or dying…again. It's MIAKA out there. HER life in danger. 

She was my Miko. But…she was the first friend I'd really had, as _me_, and not as Kourin-Ryuuen. Hotohori-sama was my oldest friend, the one _I _knew the best…Miaka was the one who knew _me _the best. I owed her so much more than simply duty as a Seishi. I owed her…I owed her my entire life. What would have happened if she hadn't discovered my secret that night by the pond, so long ago? Would I have continued to pretend? Would anyone else have figured it out? 

The thought made me shudder. To have continued living that lie…from my present position, it was an awful possibility. To have gone on as Kourin until even the small part of Ryuuen that had remained was smothered…

__

Okay, now…focus? Can you focus a moment, here? This is not Reflection Time; this is Make Taiitsu-kun See Reason Time.

But even that option was shoved away when, upon another brief glance in the mirror, I saw a strange, other-worldly structure shatter under Nakago's power, and plummet straight down toward…

__

NO!!!

Without stopping to think, I grabbed the closest Nyan-Nyan—those things were always hanging around—and reached out with my soul.

**_May I…?** _I wasn't sure how to ask such a thing!! 'May I possess you??' I struggled to think of something to say, trying to keep my mind off of the danger to Miaka at least long enough to think straight…

My panic was assuaged when the childish figure closed her eyes and smiled, pulling me into her without a second thought. It was strange…myself but _not _myself…with her thoughts in the corner of my mind…

**_Go through the mirror…**_

Ridiculous as this seemed, I didn't question the thought when it appeared. Miaka was in danger…I raced toward the mirror and flung myself at it, hoping that the Nyan-Nyan actually knew what the heck she was talking about…

__

…A brief pain…then…floating, a bit of dizziness…solid ground beneath my feet, and then…

**_Look out! It's coming!!_**

I opened my eyes and raised my arms, the bracelets expanding and enveloping my hands…Just in time. No sooner had I lifted them up than I was hit with a falling boulder…caught it easily…_Yes!! One-handed!! Nuriko-sama is back and kicking!! Gods, but I sound like Tasuki-chan…_

"N-_Nuriko_!!!"

Miaka. 

__

**You saved her.**

I saved her…

Smiling down at her, I almost laughed at the astounded expression in her large green eyes…and I almost cried, too, because I was with her again…

**_The others are coming_!!** the Nyan-Nyan informed me joyfully. **_The others are coming down, too!!_**

"I was worried," I explained to Miaka, shrugging as well as I could with a huge piece of rock balanced on one of my hands. _You saved her. _"So I had to come down and help you out…"

TBC…

Only one chapter to go!! Oh, by the way: **….** is indicative of Nuri-chan and the Nyan-Nyan talking to each other… I dunno if that was self-evident or not. ^_^


End file.
